Fartiquette - A Guide to Bottom Manners
Passing gas is a natural and healthy part of life, but it can be an awkward
situation. There are some manners to keep in mind when it comes to farting.
Here are some tips on how to handle it politely:
Excuse yourself: If you feel the need to pass gas, excuse
yourself and go to a private place like a bathroom or outside.
Be discreet: If you can’t leave the room, try to be as discreet as
possible. Try to muffle the sound by coughing or sneezing, or by
covering your mouth with your hand.
Avoid odor: If you know that your gas is particularly smelly, try
to avoid passing gas in public places. If you can’t avoid it, try to
move away from others.
Don’t make a big deal out of it: If you accidentally pass gas in
public, don’t draw attention to it. Just ignore it and move on.
If you really can’t cover it up here are a few things to say that will put
everyone at ease following a fart or two:
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Speak on sweet lips that never told a lie!
I see the frog’s made it back into the house.
Speak up caller, you’re through!
Did someone step on a duck?
You’ll have to buy that now madam, you’ve ripped it.
They’re firing again sir, they’re firing!
Ah! The voice of the turtle-dove, first harbinger of Spring!
That one’s got to be worth something. I’ll put it on eBay.
I wonder what’s on the other channels?
I see the band’s tuning up.
Thank you, your opinion has been noted.
Keep calling sir, we’ll find you!
Quickly Carruthers, get the net! We’ve found one!
Try to sew a badge on that!
A capital idea, Watson!
“Two things are
infinite: the universe
and farting; and I’m
not sure about the
universe.”
Albert Einstein
“A fart by any
other name
smells just as
sweet.”
William
Shakespeare
Agh! Who stepped on a duck?!
Etiquette
Fartiquette - A Guide to Bottom Manners
Passing gas is a natural and healthy part of life, but it can be an
awkward situation. There are some manners to keep in mind
when it comes to farting. Here are some tips on how to handle it
politely:
Excuse yourself: If you feel the need to pass gas, excuse
yourself and go to a private place like a bathroom or
outside.
Be discreet: If you can’t leave the room, try to be as
discreet as possible. Try to muffle the sound by coughing
or sneezing, or by covering your mouth with your hand.
Avoid odor: If you know that your gas is particularly
smelly, try to avoid passing gas in public places. If you
can’t avoid it, try to move away from others.
Don’t make a big deal out of it: If you accidentally pass
gas in public, don’t draw attention to it. Just ignore it and
move on.
If you really can’t cover it up here are a few things to say that
will put everyone at ease following a fart or two:
Speak on sweet lips that never told a lie!
I see the frog’s made it back into the house.
Speak up caller, you’re through!
Did someone step on a duck?
You’ll have to buy that now madam, you’ve ripped it.
They’re firing again sir, they’re firing!
Ah! The voice of the turtle-dove, first harbinger of Spring!
That one’s got to be worth something. I’ll put it on eBay.
I wonder what’s on the other channels?
I see the band’s tuning up.
Thank you, your opinion has been noted.
Keep calling sir, we’ll find you!
Quickly Carruthers, get the net! We’ve found one!
Try to sew a badge on that!
A capital idea, Watson!
“A fart by any
other name smells
just as sweet.”
William Shakespeare
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